We have heard countless horror stories of people paying tens of thousands of dollars for professional matchmaking services that guarantee a certain number of dates in a certain amount of time, only for those dates to never materialize. Or, when they are sent on dates, their dates appear thoughtlessly chosen with no consideration for previously discussed matching criteria. What’s even worse is that these matchmaking services often charge large upfront fees and then refuse to offer refunds when they fail to do their job.
Unlike doctors or lawyers, with clear educational accreditations and work experience, anyone can call themselves a “matchmaker”, so it’s up to you to ask the right questions to find the best matchmaker who will actually work on your behalf.
A great matchmaker saves you significant time, headache, and heartache. They take the time to get to know you, understand what you’re looking for, even if you don’t directly articulate it, and they can efficiently source quality candidates for you. They don’t try to push people on you for the sake of meeting their own quotas, and they adjust matches to your feedback.
Just as you need to ask questions and really get to know your date before committing to a relationship, you also need to dig deep to find a matchmaker that meets your needs.
Here are 5 questions to ask any potential matchmaker:
1. WHAT IS YOUR MATCHMAKING PHILOSOPHY?
There is no one right answer here, but you want to understand how a matchmaker approaches the delicate process of connecting two people. What got them into matchmaking? What continues to energize them about matchmaking? What are their values?
2. DO YOU WORK ALONE OR AS PART OF A LARGER COMPANY OR NETWORK?
Independent matchmakers typically have a proven knack for connecting people but access to a more limited pool of potential candidates. Matchmakers at larger companies are typically less experienced but have access to a bigger pool of potential candidates. You also want to understand what benefits this company brings (is it technology, add-on services, more candidates?)
3. WHAT IS THE COMPOSITION OF YOUR CANDIDATE POOL, AND HOW DO YOU SOURCE NEW CANDIDATES?
Every matchmaker has a match database or “match book” of eligible singles that they are tracking. If your matchmaker typically works with straight clients between the ages of 40-60, and you are a gay client looking for someone 20-40, it’s likely not a good fit. Understand the demographics of their networks and match book - things like typical ages, male/female split, any specialities (ethnicity, sexual orientation, etc.)
4. HOW DO YOU MEASURE SUCCESS?
Asking “how many couples have you successfully introduced” is not a great metric. Most matchmakers will inflate their success statistics (it’s sad but true). More useful is understanding how they measure success - is it successful introductions? Successful short-term relationships? Helping clients meet their dating goals, whatever that may be?
5. WHAT IS YOUR FEE STRUCTURE AND CONTRACT LENGTH?
Matchmakers typically charge on two elements (1) either a per introduction basis or monthly retainer for a guaranteed number of introductions, and (2) a back-end success fee. Depending on the matchmaker, they might weigh one or the other element more heavily.
What is the length of their standard contract? 3 months is typical, although some matchmakers do require up to a 1-year commitment. Beware of matchmakers that require a high upfront deposit and long minimum commitment.
What is their refund process, if any? What happens if they are consistently sending you matches that aren’t a good fit? What are the exit provisions of the contract?
The irony with all dating services is that if they are successful, they lose customers. Hinge’s Anti-Retention Specialist role is the same thing. Hinge calls it “good churn”, which is when people stop using the app because they met someone through it.
We recently had a female client who we successfully matched on the very first try. She was sent by her friend who said it was going to be extremely hard to match her. She is no longer a client, and we couldn’t be more thrilled!
Once you’ve hired a matchmaker, this is the single most important thing to look for:
Do they REALLY listen to you?
We’ve worked with many other matchmakers ourselves as both clients and partners. The #1 issue we’ve seen when working with matchmakers is that they send you matches who don’t meet your criteria, attempt to talk you into going on a date with the match, and it ends up being a total waste of your time. If a matchmaker sends you a candidate who doesn’t meet your criteria, they better have a good reason for doing it - and not just be filling a quota.
How does the matchmaker take your feedback? Matchmakers should adjust who they are suggesting based on your feedback. If you are looking for a partner over 30 years old and they are consistently sending you 20-some year olds, and are pushy about it, then you should rethink working with them.
Sometimes, we do send clients profiles that we think will stretch them, but we always provide a detailed reason as to why we think there’s a good connection. We recently had a client who was looking for a partner who was successful in either business or entertainment, and we found a potential match for him who was in academia. However, the overlap in other interests, along with physical compatibility, made it a compelling match. The client decided to go on the date and unexpectedly enjoyed it.
At GetSetDate, we only take on clients if we believe we can truly add value to their dating process, and we have the ability to help them reach their relationship goals. If we don’t think we have a reasonable chance of setting clients up with quality matches on a consistent basis, we won’t take on the client. This does not reflect on the client or the client’s attributes; oftentimes, we might not have access to a big enough network of suitable matches.
To be clear: At GetSetDate, we actively turn down clients. This is fundamental to our core value of wanting to actually help our clients find what they are looking for.
Matchmakers are just one part of your dating toolbox. If you decide to work with a matchmaker, take the time to interview several matchmakers to find the right fit!